Memo#1 Embassy of Pakistan

From: Husain Haqqani

          Ambassador of Pakistan to USA

          Washington, DC

To:    Asif Ali Zardari
         President of Pakistan

I am happy to report that we have finally convinced the White House to send a formal invitation to you for an official visit to the US in 2011. Sir it was not easy, they were concerned that you may be under indictment by then, by either The Supreme Court of Pakistan or by the International Court of Justice. This resistance was however overcome given your deftness in dealing with the visiting American delegation and agreeing to an expanded role for Drones and US Special Forces in Pakistan. Please accept my congratulations on this diplomatic coup de grace.

We are creating a full agenda for your visit and have arranged for meetings with several real estate agents, who have assured us that they have prime real estate properties for your consideration. Given the recession here, if I may add, it is a good time to buy.

Ms Sara Palin has also shown interest in a “private” meeting, please advice if you would like to keep it very discrete and “private” or if a combined Press conference should be arranged at the end.

Several Ex-legislators who have been “wrongfully” accused of corruption and forced to resign like, Charles Rangel, Doc Hastings, Randy "Duke" Cunningham and Marsha Blackburn just to name a few have expressed interest for you to give a seminar on: 'How to survive as a “wrongfully" accused politician'. Please advice if this will be feasible. Be rest assured we will negotiate top fees for your appearance and you will be amply compensated for your valuable time.

The State Department wants General Kayani to accompany you. They have agreed that while you are busy with the real estate showings he will be meeting at the White House, State Department and Pentagon to discuss key policy issues. Please be reassured The Defense Attaché has been briefed to appraise you of the decisions on a daily basis. This carries the additional benefit that we can keep 'The Chief' under close observation. This should assuage your fear about The Military taking advantage of your absence.

Given the past difficulties in tracking the cabinet ministers in different nightclubs, the FBI has arranged for a special chartered plane to take them to Las Vegas for the weekend. Several Casino’s have been reserved and they will have ample opportunity to get entertained and keep out of site of the media.

The Co Chairman Bilawal Bhutto Zardari has shown interest in meeting some Hollywood Celebes; please be assured I am personally making contacts and adequate arrangements will be made. We are also arranging for special credit cards to be issued by the embassy to him and the accompanying ladies for their shopping pleasure.

Since you have kindly agreed to bring some opposition members along, please remember that Imran Khan can under no circumstances be brought; he has displayed extreme undiplomatic tendencies. Mr. Nawaz Sharif has declined to attend, and Mulana Fazal ur Rehamn does not present an image we want to project. Altaf Bahi is unlikely to risk leaving his self-imposed exile, Wali Khan and his groupies are too boisterous and The Choudhary's are too incoherent. It may be advisable to consider Kashmala Tariq and Marvi Memon, they are quite benign and have  pretty faces for television. They will be pleased by this gesture and it may help in toning down their rhetoric at home.

Talking about image it will help to bring several key women members and advisors, preferable good-looking ones sans Fuzia Wahab she, as they say here in the west, 'has a good face for the radio’. We need to blunt the impression Aafia Siddiqui has created and show the positive side(s) of Pakistani women.

Please be also advised that we are arranging several meetings with the Pakistani American Community here in the DC Virginia area. They will be screened and we will make sure all miscreants are weeded out. It will not be possible as requested by His Excellency the Minister for Interior Mr. Rehman Malik, that shoes should not be allowed inside the hall. Unless you feel, it will be safer to conduct these meetings in a Mosque, in which case we will be happy to arrange. This may carry the risk of confrontation between the “Maulwi Types" and “Enlightened Moderates” and has its pros and cons. Please have The Minister of Defense carry a study on this matter; he seems to have plenty of time since the Defense Ministry is working despite his input.

Sir can I also in the end bring to your attention a trivial matter, please do remind the Foreign Minister about the issue of my extension, it is due for renewal next month.

Praying for you health, continued success and completion of your  ‘Awami’ mandate. God save Pakistan.